Archive for the ‘Hate Mail’ Category

On Gerbils and Hybrid Cars

Friday, December 5th, 2008

If you haven’t been reading the comments around here, you’re missing out. There are two threads that have been especially entertaining:

The “Napping” thread began as a discussion of the San Francisco Zoo, but quickly degraded into rants about how little I know of gerbils. Some highlights:

imani Says:
how big id thw gerbil it is for the prject for school i need to know asap

Gary Says:
imani,

It’s approximately a sphere with a 4 foot radius. It weighs about 1/2 ton and eats nothing but nutritional yeast and the droppings of other animals. Unfortunately, its fur has fiber-optic qualities, which are valuable to high speed internet providers. They’re harvesting the poor gerbils and killing them by the thousands. We all must work together to stop the slaughter of these gentle creatures.

Good luck with your school project,
Gary

comfycouchman Says:
haha, i wonder how imani’s gerbil project went.

bobby Says:
um…… Thats a kapibara……..you know worlds largest rodent. anakonda food. and how do you know its annoyed anyway?

capibera lover Says:
bobby is right it is a capibera, gary, get bent, ur webiste is shit

someone from england Says:
that isnt a gerbil its what the australian people call a wombat.
gerbils dont grow that big only to the size of your palm.

wombats are part of the vombatidae family and gerbils are part Muridae family

Gary Says:
No, “someone from england”. You’re wrong. It is the world’s largest gerbil.

someone from england Says:
ok then gary
but us normal people no that its a capibera.
and anyways im studying animals so your the one thats wrong

And it goes on like this for some time. I’m warned of potentially angering the “hundreds of pro breeders of gerbils” while being raked through coals for my insistence upon the gerbil’s gerbulence. If you look carefully, you’ll find a spatula.

The “Prius” thread reads similarly, but I’m not the only target of the aggression. It’s currently about twice as long as “Napping”, so skip to the loo before settling down with some popcorn.

Having acknowledged that I’m not the sole provider of original content on this blog, I’d like to thank all the internet weirdoes that glut my database.