Posts Tagged ‘Halloween’

Fankenführer

Monday, October 6th, 2008

If a sentient mesohyll matrix in Dockers isn’t scary enough for you, try said sponge goose-stepping around a fruit snack box with an emphatic, double-armed salute.

Frikkin A. Doesn’t anyone step back and look at the design before sending millions of these boxes off to Target stores around the world? How could anyone with a 6th grade education not see this and instantly visualize classic scenes of a man who single-handedly caused a sharp decline in the number of babies named, “Adolf” during the late 1930’s?

Or maybe the schutzstaffel spongiform imagery is intentional? I always assumed that SpongeBob’s creators were sucking from the Ren & Stimpy crackpipe, but perhaps they were riding Walt Disney’s white horse all along. I’ll have to watch the program to see if they’ve been slipping in other anti-Semitic references.

Irrespective to the outcome of that viewing, we should probably protest this product. It’s bad to feed hydrogenated corn syrup (or whatever the hell is in these “fruit flavored snacks”) to children. But what’s really wrong is that these claim to be “trick or treat size”, which implies you’re supposed to give them to Trick-or-Treaters. You know they taste absolutely awful—just like all of the other cross-branded, fruit-flavored snacks out there. Handing these out for Halloween instead of proper candy is akin to handing out pennies or raisins or some other disappointing crap. Snickers Fun Size? Fun. SpongeDolf HitlerPants trick or treat sized fruit flavored snacks? Fascist.

Happy Halloweez

Friday, October 19th, 2007

Hope you have your inhaler.

Brought to you by Mandarin Gourmet. Located at 420 (stoned laugh) Ramona St., Palo Alto, CA 94301. It’s the restaurant with excessive tracking.

I was going to make a Halloween UNICEF reference, but I realized I have no idea what UNICEF is. I just know I have a negative association with UNICEF and Halloween. I went to their website to find out what they are, but was overwhelmed by broad, vague claims and stock art of suffering children. On a whim, I searched for “suffering children” (no quotes) at GettyImages, and found that there are over 3,500 such images available. I think UNICEF licensed them all and sprinkles them liberally around their site—intertwingled with photos of happy people who donated money to their ambiguous cause. The Getty Image search results are pretty entertaining too…check out that one white trash kid with the black eye. OMG. For that matter, try searching for “White Trash” (no quotes). They have photos of toilet seat horeshoes and a Budweiser-can flamethrower. WTF? Okay, I think browsing stock art is my new hobby.