A poem.
Happy Happy Gerbils.
Don’t make them into stew.
‘Cause if you cook the gerbils whole,
you’ll be eating all their poo.
Posts Tagged ‘World’s Largest Gerbil’
Happy, Happy Gerbils
Friday, January 15th, 2010On Gerbils and Hybrid Cars
Friday, December 5th, 2008If you haven’t been reading the comments around here, you’re missing out. There are two threads that have been especially entertaining:
The “Napping” thread began as a discussion of the San Francisco Zoo, but quickly degraded into rants about how little I know of gerbils. Some highlights:
imani Says:
how big id thw gerbil it is for the prject for school i need to know asap
Gary Says:
imani,It’s approximately a sphere with a 4 foot radius. It weighs about 1/2 ton and eats nothing but nutritional yeast and the droppings of other animals. Unfortunately, its fur has fiber-optic qualities, which are valuable to high speed internet providers. They’re harvesting the poor gerbils and killing them by the thousands. We all must work together to stop the slaughter of these gentle creatures.
Good luck with your school project,
Gary
comfycouchman Says:
haha, i wonder how imani’s gerbil project went.
bobby Says:
um…… Thats a kapibara……..you know worlds largest rodent. anakonda food. and how do you know its annoyed anyway?
capibera lover Says:
bobby is right it is a capibera, gary, get bent, ur webiste is shit
someone from england Says:
that isnt a gerbil its what the australian people call a wombat.gerbils dont grow that big only to the size of your palm.wombats are part of the vombatidae family and gerbils are part Muridae family
Gary Says:
No, “someone from england”. You’re wrong. It is the world’s largest gerbil.
someone from england Says:
ok then gary
but us normal people no that its a capibera.
and anyways im studying animals so your the one thats wrong
And it goes on like this for some time. I’m warned of potentially angering the “hundreds of pro breeders of gerbils” while being raked through coals for my insistence upon the gerbil’s gerbulence. If you look carefully, you’ll find a spatula.
The “Prius” thread reads similarly, but I’m not the only target of the aggression. It’s currently about twice as long as “Napping”, so skip to the loo before settling down with some popcorn.
Having acknowledged that I’m not the sole provider of original content on this blog, I’d like to thank all the internet weirdoes that glut my database.
I Don’t Believe That They’re All “Napping”
Friday, June 22nd, 2007Sometimes, when I feel like cutting myself, I go to the San Francisco Zoo instead. Depressing people since it was built in the 1930s, the SF Zoo is littered with sad looking animals. They’re strewn about haphazardly, as though Noah’s Ark exploded in the Pacific and deposited them with copious debris just past the Great Highway. Oh, and just before exploding, the Ark’s supply of barbiturates leaked into the animals’ water. And Noah walked around beating them with a club. And they hadn’t pumped the pit toilet for weeks.
Most of the poor animals had passed out, or were just lying on the ground—unable to sleep.
Those that hadn’t succumbed to drowsiness stared vacantly, waiting for food or death—whichever comes at 3PM.
Were it not for the hordes of monkeys, munching popcorn and tromping through the park with their screaming children, the SF Zoo would be a very quiet, still place. The animals themselves don’t move much, though I suppose it can’t be considered sloth when you’re brain dead.
It is unfortunate that the SF Zoo is so sad and generally decrepit. With just a bit more upkeep and better animal handling, it could be a beautiful destination in the middle of a fascinating city. As it is now, the only thing that keeps me coming back is the world’s largest gerbil.
I’m surprised they keep that there, what with all of the perverted celebrities running loose.